At home, we often call my daughter “Don Saanvi” after the telugu movie “Don Seenu”, for the very reason that she gets things done her way by the umpteen number of techniques she has on us.
Since last one year, I had the opportunity to work from home, and boy – it was the toughest year of my job so far. I still managed to do it, as my work was fairly independent and could get done at nights or early mornings when every one in the house was asleep. When you go to work, you hardly take care of them in their most energetic times / most frustrating times of the day. Now that, I had access to the wide range of emotions – laughter, play, crankiness on my plate, I learnt how to handle them along the way. However, my family had minor complaint on me, that I could learn to be a bit more patient with her, although I was doing okay.
Firstly, I vehemently disagreed. Then, as with other things – I kept it on back burner of my mind and started observing myself in all the interactions. Although I could roughly understand what they meant – I still had all my excuses to behave that way. Finally, I decided to take 1 month Challenge and record the results and learnings.
Duration: August 14th to Sept 13th 2013
Challenge: Not even once, I will lose patience with Saanvi. Will never discuss about her, ANYTHING with ANYONE.
Experience handling the Challenge:
Being the person who loves Challenges in every aspect of life, I attuned myself to this fairly easily. Rule is a rule, and never meant to be broken. So, from August 14th, I made up my mind to do whatever it takes not to break the rule. Being a fussy eater, she tested my patience to extreme levels. Now that I did not have the option of losing my temper, I had to find innovative ways of getting her on track. And that is where my learnings begun. I had awesome days with her, where things worked like a Charm, and terrible days where nothing was good enough to console her.
Self Introspection is tough to do. Discovering your own weaknesses in that process and acknowledging them only makes us more human, and progressive in nature. Here are my key learnings from the 1 month experiment:
a) TUNE into your KID’s Emotional Radio. Get to know every single one of their feelings, and when they react – you should know why they react. As this skill gets mastered, a lot of things happen intuitively. If you know she’s hungry rather than she is cranky – you’d feed her rather than try to discipline. That makes hell lot of difference to the entire scene.
b) NEVER talk about THEM anywhere – in front of them, behind and in your mind. Once a thing gets repeatedly SAID to KIDS, it becomes their life rule. Example, we say that the kid is naughty and no one can never control them. If that is said to them in their vicinity every single day, that sets the expectations that they should be behaving so. By totally avoiding talking about them, the situations don’t dictate what kind of person they should be growing up to.
Also, words are so powerful that the more attribution is given to a particular feeling, it becomes more stronger in your own mind. I had few occasions in the duration of challenge, where I felt like giving up, but I just didn’t verbalize and kept going on with other stuff. Learn to ignore the trivial stuff.
c) RESPECT the FEEDBACK you get from your family. They were partly true – there were situations where I could have been more patient, but I was tired, or had something stressful going on with me at that point of time. So,I too was right. But, as they say – It’s all about priorities. So, I learnt to get my priorities right.
Lot of other little learnings along the way. But, I can confidently say that this one month of challenge has helped me find the little tweaks that need to be done in an engine, to ensure a smooth and long, successful motherhood journey.
If you repeatedly get feedback about your kids, or have some for yourself – why not take a month challenge and see if could change your perspective on some things?
Have a good day and keep rocking!!