This is my entry for the contest run by Women’s Web.
Motherhood is like a rainbow, if I am allowed to describe it correctly. You have the rain, but when you see the rainbow – you smile from the bottom of your heart and forget the rain which almost drove you crazy. I’m a proud mother of a 25 month girl, Saanvi.
Is it really possible to verbalize the feeling that your kids give you? Let me try. I had a relatively easy pregnancy and except the backpain, I did not experience any other symptoms. People said I was very lucky, but I had my share of luck in delivery where I had to deal with back labor. I still remember the doctor shouting at me, not to stop pushing the baby because it would have psychological issues if she tries to come out and cannot come so many times. But, the contraction stopped. What else can I do? My helplessness with Saanvi started at that moment.
Soon, we had bundle of joy in our hands. Lucky enough, god has blessed me with her food supply and she was happy drinking mama’s milk for a couple of months. Right in her first few days of birth, her thumb started going to her mouth and her resistance to removing it was amazing. Her first victory.
I resumed work, after couple of months. I tried to take my share of victory by putting a pacifier in her mouth for 1/2 hour in the morning before going to work. when I came in the afternoon to feed her, to my utter shock and disbelief – she has just rejected me and my milk. That left me with countless hours of expressing milk and feeding her with a bottle. Her first manmaani.
When I came back from work, I would see her in poses which would make my heart drop. My mom, smiling would tell me – she is trying to sit. And yes, she did really achieve it after showing me all the scariest poses she could, barely months after she was born. Her first achievement.
When she was around 15 months, one day she decided she was bored of food. She did not take a single solid particle into her mouth for 45 days. Despite doctor scolding me very badly for keeping her on milk and looking stupid for not being able to feed atleast juices to my daughter, there was no choice left for me. Her first food strike.
We took her to family care at 8:30 AM, with new bag, lunch and snacks box and all her new accessories. I’ve been telling her since couple of days that she will be going to aunty’s house and there will be other kids to entertain her. That was the first day she was going out, since she was born. We left her at 8:45 AM and walked out, despite her crying at her possibly top voice. The half an hour, where I waited nearby the family care house was the toughest time for me since Saanvi was born. What was she doing? Is she still crying? Is she roaming around, like an inspector finding things to play and avoiding all human beings? Atlast, I got a call that she’s all settled and looking forward for the day. I picked her up at 4 PM in the evening. Her first outing.
She asks her daddy that she is really hungry. Gets the bike keys and asks him to buy a banana. Her first shopping. Having counted her firsts, everything related to her is a first for me. I cried, did things wrong, did not listen to advise. Countless firsts. Nevertheless, I think that motherhood is not a express highway ride, but rather jungle trekking for unexperienced trekker. No matter what the experiences are, my life is never the same. Now, I keep wondering on what I did with all the time I spend with my daughter, before she was born? Whatever I did, is definitely not so enriching.
My father used to quote me couple of times that, you will understand about your parents much better only when you have kids. I second that, and in my personal experience life with kids is much much better that it was before. I still spend hours to make her eat, but the joy and satisfaction that I get when she finishes her food is boundless. I still have to think twice before I go out, but the pride I feel when she comes to the temple and insists on praying at every god is priceless.
Saanvi has managed to teach me priorities in life very well. And I am fortunate that, dealing with her made me realize certain appreciable things in me and things that need improvement. As a mother, I think my most important job is to decide what Saanvi will believe and think when she is grown up. And every single day, mother hood is striving to make her the best you can, and always better than you.